Gentlemen Guide - all begins with BLACKSOCKS

Let gallantry take precedence

Joe Blacksocks — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 11:01:41 +0000

A real gentleman has mastered the art of etiquette under any circumstances and always shows impeccable manners. A man will generally allow a woman to take precedence. However, when entering a restaurant, it is the man or host who leads the way. The woman leads the way when leaving a restaurant, bar or club. The same applies when climbing stairs – be it in a stairway or on an observation tower. When going back down, the man leads the way.

Clever is who remains polite

Persons in positions of authority or superiors generally take precedence over those in lower positions: the guest before the host, the boss before the employee, the older person before the younger one. However, should you be given precedence, accept this polite gesture immediately and without causing a stir.

Beware of stumbling blocks
Irrespective of whether in everyday business or private life – try not to put your foot in it with regard to style. Jostlers always leave a bad impression, whether at the buffet, the ticket machine, the pay booth, or in traffic. Even if it is a matter of getting into a vehicle or onto public transport: allow everyone to get off first before getting on yourself. The same applies to doors and entrances – always let someone go out first before entering. Be patient and allow your good manners to speak for themselves. By the way: which is the seat of honor in a private car or a taxi? In the case of several passengers, seating is arranged in such a way that the person who pays can also claim the seat of honor on the front passenger seat.

Appreciated attention
In the business world, “ladies first” has become almost unusual today. However, it is no faux pas to occasionally allow a lady to take precedence with a friendly gesture: be it when getting in or out of a lift or vehicle (car, taxi, bus, tram, train, coach), when standing in line, at the ticket counter, or at the service counter of a shop. And should you ever be at a loss: simply remain as gallant and forbearing as possible and let your common sense guide you.

Be “informal” and demonstrate “formal” respect

Joe Blacksocks — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 10:01:02 +0000

A real gentleman will master the art of etiquette under any circumstances with impeccable manners. The informal or formal address follows the same rules as greeting somebody in business life. The key to this is a company’s hierarchical criteria. In German and French-speaking areas, the more senior person offers the more junior person the use of the informal address. It may confuse English-speaking partners if you and your superior are on formal terms. You should demonstrate esteem for your counterpart even when you use the informal address by using the correct attitude, choice of words, facial expression, and gestures.

You may also reject the use of informal address

If you feel that the informal address is not appropriate or you do not (yet) wish to use your contact’s first name or the informal address, you can tactfully forego the informal form. With a comment such as “Thank you for the friendly offer; please give me a little more time. Maybe we could come back to this within an appropriate setting at some later time.” Although a partnership-based attitude admittedly improves the working climate, leading to positive results faster, it does not depend exclusively on the use of the informal address.

Beware of stumbling blocks
Irrespective of whether in everyday business or private life – try not to put your foot in it with regard to style. A touch of foresight and reservation is also correct at merry company parties – because the same colleagues and superiors will once again be sitting opposite you on the day after. If you at any time regret the decision to use the informal address, wait for a quiet moment, approach the person concerned, and explain your reasons briefly. Do without exchanging kisses and drinking to your friendship in working life. Shaking hands is absolutely adequate for introducing the use of informal address in business life.

Addressing the work colleague during a customer meeting
What is the correct form of address if you use the informal address with your work colleague and hold a meeting at a customer’s location? Always use your colleague’s first name during direct conversation, not, however, if you are referring to her in the same sentence with your customer. Example: “Ms. Gerber will now present our project report.” You then turn to your colleague with whom you are on informal terms and say, “Sarah, please give the presentation, thank you.” And should you ever be at a loss: simply be polite, respectful, and use your healthy common sense.

Make a great introduction

Joe Blacksocks — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 12:56:43 +0000

A real gentleman has mastered the art of etiquette under any circumstances and always shows impeccable manners. Hierarchy is all that counts during introductions, not only in the business world but also in private life. Gender no longer plays a role in ranking. A junior person is always introduced to a senior person – the new employee, for instance, is introduced to the departmental manager. When introducing yourself, state your first and last name – ideally accompanied by handing over or exchanging a business card.

Noblesse oblige

Academics never use their titles during introductions, whereas the title of the counterpart is always mentioned. Even if you do not have a title yourself, it is polite to specify the counterpart’s title. Avoid flowery phrases. Instead of saying, “Excuse me, may I introduce myself”, you should use the direct “My name is Blacky Sockmann, I am responsible for personnel management”.

Beware of stumbling blocks

Irrespective of whether in everyday business or private life – try not to put your foot in it with regard to style. Hierarchical relations are often difficult to assess in introductory situations, especially in a group. Instead of quickly blurting out names you should observe and listen carefully. Polite reserve also gives you time to think.

Introducing third parties

When introducing in a group, it is always the newly arrived member who is introduced to the group first, whereby women and men introduce themselves. Example: “My name is Marco Sulser. I am Jutta Carstens. My name is Josef Burgleitner” To give last names only seems too short and impersonal. That is why men always combine their first and last names; women may also introduce themselves with “Hello, I am Mrs. Buzzera”. And should you ever be at a loss: simply let politeness and common sense guide you.

Raise your glass for a pleasant toast

Joe Blacksocks — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 10:00:33 +0000

A real gentleman has mastered the art of etiquette under any circumstances and always shows impeccable manners. A toast can be raised at practically any occasion, from a barbecue to an engagement party to a highly official festivity. It is usually raised by the host – as an expression of gratitude for the attendance and to the health of his guests. Raising a toast can also be the task of the toastmaster, who leads through the event on behalf of the invitee. Everything from witticism to a songs of praise is possible, depending on the event, the number of guests, and the setting.

Humorous and pointed

The popular time for a small toast to invited guests is immediately after serving the appetizer and before the first sip of wine. Simultaneously, this is the host’s signal that the official meal can now begin. A small after-dinner speech is usually made after the main course and before dessert – it should be short, to-the-point and should congenially address the event or the celebrated person, ideally accompanied by humorous gestures, facial expressions and choice of words in a moderate volume.

Beware of stumbling blocks

Irrespective of whether in everyday business or private life – try not to put your foot in it with regard to style. Although there are an almost immeasurable number of toasts, they should always be adapted to the event and the class of the invited guests. No ego trips for the sake of witticisms. Neither indiscrete innuendos about a guest’s privacy nor any talk about internal business matters or gossip about staff members. The worst-case scenario for guests: long-winded, boring or impersonal babble.

Always authentic and heartfelt

A toast often lifts the spirit of all those around. The celebrating guests are usually thanked and wished happiness, health, wealth, and success, whereby the toast is usually dedicated to one person or an entire group. A personal toast on the occasion of a birthday usually does not require elaborate preparation. The toasting person can spontaneously express what he feels in his heart. And should you ever be at a loss: simply let your discretion and common sense guide you.

Apologize – and show true greatness

Joe Blacksocks — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 15:15:07 +0000

A real gentleman has mastered the art of etiquette under any circumstances and always shows impeccable manners. Mishaps happen everywhere. You forgot a meeting, waited for the meeting at the wrong place, or were too late in returning something you borrowed. Nobody likes to admit mistakes. Friendships can be patched up with a clarifying telephone call. In the business world, this usually requires a letter of apology. A bouquet of flowers or a bottle of wine can also be helpful.

Keep a cool head and don’t be hasty

People living or working together are inevitably faced with situations that can go wrong. Maybe your counterpart has misunderstood you, you have unintentionally offended or stood someone up, and the boss did not receive the documents in time. There are thousands of ways to bungle. Wait a little for the bad mood, the irritation and the frustration to abate, then solve the problem openly and understandingly.

Stumbling blocks

Irrespective of whether in everyday business or private life – try not to put your foot in it with regard to style, but don’t wait too long to apologize. This could leave the impression that you are either too forgetful, arrogant, discouraged, or cowardly, or indifferent to taking the responsibility for the mishap. Show you have backbone and face your counterpart face to face or in written form.

Admit – don’t deny

In a world fully programmed to perfectionism, admitting your own inabilities or any mishaps you have caused is not easy. Reassess the events, recognize what caused the faux pas and put your apology in the right words. The main thing is to say it from the heart and being 100 % honest. And should you ever be at a loss: simply let your respect and common sense guide you without too many words.

Show you have class from the start

Joe Blacksocks — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 08:29:16 +0000

A real gentleman has mastered the art of etiquette under any circumstances and always shows impeccable manners. In a business context, the greeting order is based on position, age and gender. If you find it difficult to define the greeting hierarchy, you may of course deviate from this rule and just shake hands with one person after the other. In private society life, the arriving party always greets first – while on the road, it is the person who first sees an acquaintance. A simple nod or smile is sufficient for a casual encounter.

Accommodating no matter what

The protagonists, circumstances and situations at the location ultimately determine the greeting order: position – age – gender. The most senior or oldest person or the lady is greeted and welcomed first.

Beware of stumbling blocks

Irrespective of whether in everyday business or private life – try not to put your foot in it with regard to style. This includes prematurely extending your hand while simultaneously disregarding any hierarchies, leaving your left hand in your skirt or trouser pocket, or introducing yourself with your academic titles or honors.

Esteem at all levels

A correct greeting denotes esteem. Getting up from a sitting position not only means good manners but is an absolute must – for both men and women. A short, light handshake creates closeness and trust. Looking your counterpart in the eye with a friendly smile can break the ice. The correctly pronounced name will definitely help in opening the doors of trust even wider. Talking about doors: a customer or visitor should never have to open or close the doors – this is always the host’s job. And should you ever be at a loss: simply let your respect and common sense guide you.

Show your satisfaction with a tip

Joe Blacksocks — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 14:42:46 +0000

A real gentleman has mastered the art of etiquette under any circumstances and always shows impeccable manners. In German, Austrian, and Swiss restaurants, a service charge or tip is usually included. However, it is still common to give service staff an extra bonus for attentive and personal service. In these three countries, five to ten percent are considered appropriate. Good service and treatment at the hairdresser’s, in the taxi, from the courier or hotel service usually warrants a tip (2-5 Francs or 1-3 Euros) or a rounding-up amounting to approximately five percent of the check. The higher the check the lower the tip can be. If you want your tip to also go to the kitchen staff in a restaurant, you should expressly mention this.

Extra pay for extra service

Additional services that warrant a tip (in the sense of a bonus) amounting to between five and ten percent of the amount billed are: short waiting periods; advice in the menu selection; offering options; an excellent wine suggestion; anticipation and attentive observation; refilling of drinks; being at the right place at the right time; friendly and attentive service from A to Z.

Stumbling blocks

Irrespective of whether in everyday business or private life – try not to put your foot in it with regard to style. Miserly behavior is just as frowned upon as showy boasting. In the catering business, too, money is also not easily made – the staff might consider an arrogantly dropped tip that is too high as condescending and degrading. Don’t place the tip under small plates, coffee cups or ashtrays where it could easily be overlooked by the staff clearing the table.

Cash or credit card

After asking for the check, you will have the option of paying with cash or credit card. Either you place a large bill on the tip tray together with the check and leave an appropriate amount of the change behind as a tip, or you pay your check with your credit card and also leave behind an appropriate cash amount on the tip tray. At the end, guests express their thanks for the good service and the waiter thanks them for the generous tip. And should you ever be at a loss: simply let your good-will and common sense guide you.

When thanking someone, be elegantly and politely charming

Joe Blacksocks — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 08:34:06 +0000

A real gentleman has mastered the art of etiquette under any circumstances and always shows impeccable manners. Express your thanks for invitations to festivities one to two days after the event by telephone or in writing. Thanking by SMS is allowed if followed by a personal telephone call. In the case of an official, business, or highly festive invitation, you can show your style in four ways with an appropriate thank-you by telephone or in writing: first, after you have received the invitation, second, at the host’s door, third, when leaving the event, and fourth, the day after, but no later than two days after the event.

Personal thanks at the event

When you have been invited to a larger event, you first greet the person opening the door as you arrive. Immediately following, you thank the host for the invitation as you hand over the host gift. Should the host already be mingling amidst the illustrious group, start looking for him with your gift in hand. Only after you have given it to the host should you turn to the other guests.

Beware of stumbling blocks

Irrespective of whether in everyday business or private life – try not to put your foot in it with regard to style. Never pass on a personal invitation to third parties without prior consultation with the host. Arrive at the event as punctually as possible; this honors your host and shows your gratitude. If you are delayed, call the invitee immediately and give your estimated time of arrival. In general, you should never use over-exuberant or affected words of thanks.

Nonverbal gratitude

An honest smile or a friendly gesture radiates sympathy while giving the host a feeling of appreciation. This elegantly documents sensitivity to the needs of the invitee. Gratitude as an expression of giving and taking of mutual esteem creates trust and improves the quality of the relationship. And should you ever be at a loss: simply let your heart speak and your common sense guide you.

Speak openly and with flair to entertain people

Joe Blacksocks — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 11:58:10 +0000

A real gentleman has mastered the art of etiquette under any circumstances and always shows impeccable manners. Small talk is a non-committal conversation, during which people with different backgrounds meet for open and animated talk. It serves as a verbal gauge to discover similarities. Topics are of general character, simple to understand and are to be commented while maintaining one’s distance. Show interest, enquire and ask open questions. Be yourself.

Communicate with all senses

Those proficient in small talk, getting involved with new people without reserve, and easily joining or leaving a discussion, will establish many new contacts in a very short time. A perfect entry is usually created by asking open questions. If you already know your counterpart, a discussion on current daily affairs is most suitable. General conversation is usually the better path to take with people you have not met before. Ideal topics: leisure time, hobbies, family, children, art, culture, theatre, education, exhibitions, sports, the weather, and the host.

Stumbling blocks

Irrespective of whether in everyday business or private life – try not to put your foot in it with regard to style. Absolute taboo topics are: religion, politics, racism, illnesses, and any related jokes. Although gossip is unavoidable, you should never discuss a person in a derogative or disrespectful manner. On the other hand, there is no sense in acting the moralizer. Respect, composure, forbearance, openness, and generous thinking are in demand.

Entertaining broadening of horizons

This form of exchanging ideas broadens the horizon and enriches both parties with information and knowledge. Let your counterpart talk. He will gladly talk about something he likes. The irresistible small talker’s success lies in the fact that he is able to immediately adjust to his counterpart and convey a feeling of wellbeing, enhanced with a good dose of wit, charm and entertainment. And should you ever be at a loss: comment on what you have heard and what has been said with common sense and thus show that you are responsive to your counterpart.

Look forward to a festively set table

Joe Blacksocks — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 14:21:45 +0000

A real gentleman has mastered the art of etiquette under any circumstances and always shows impeccable manners. A festive table usually is not set with silverware for more than four courses. If you are invited to a gala dinner with seven or more courses, new silverware will be set after the fourth course. Silverware is always used starting from the outside. Bread plate and butter knife are on your left, the soup spoon is on your right, and the dessert silverware is placed above the plate.

Which silverware for which food?

Salad as a cold appetizer or intermediate course: use only the fork to cut it into small pieces and to eat.
Soups: bring the spoon to your mouth (not vice versa); leftover soup – only soup bowls may be held in one hand and emptied.
Appetizers: fish with fish knife and fork, seafood with special tongs and fork.
Meat: knife and fork – cut off small pieces.
Cheese: knife and fork.
Bread: break by hand and enjoy bite-sized pieces.
Dessert: with dessert silverware – applies to hot and cold desserts.

Beware of stumbling blocks

Irrespective of whether in everyday business or private life – try not to put your foot in it with regard to style. Do not tuck the napkin into your collar or tie it around your neck – simply place it on your lap. After eating, do not crumple it up, but fold it and place it on the right side of your plate. Taboo: hugging adjacent chair backs, hands in your lap, resting on your elbows, talking with your mouth full, gesturing with your silverware, using tooth picks, sneezing or blowing your nose at the table, bringing up small talk and jokes about politics, religion, illnesses, or racism, jostling at the buffet, overfilling your plate or refilling your plate for the umpteenth time.

Quick orientation guide

If the space allows, the following guidelines apply for the waiter: filled plates are passed from the right and removed from the left. Drinks are also poured from the right and the glasses removed from the left. If you would like to take a break during a meal, place your fork across your knife on the plate; prior to toasting, wipe your lips and the corners of your mouth with a napkin. At gala dinners, moderately fill your plate and help yourself to a second serving, but not more than twice. Self-served portions should be eaten up, if possible. An empty plate with silverware may be left standing and is removed by the waiters at the end of the meal. And should you ever be at a loss: simply be prudent and let your common sense guide you.